[It's true, even if it is depressing. He turned into an insomniac after his brother died and that's really just gotten worse with the lose of Mako even if he wishes that he could just sleep and never wake up again.
This is better than nothing. It's Mako, as much of her as he can get and it doesn't matter if she's not even real. This is good enough for him.]
No. [ She says, so quietly that it could pass for a whisper. Mako wants him to rest, because he worries her, because she could never let him go when he's like this, or he'd join her far quickly than she'd like.
She stays with him, wrapped snug against his back. ] I'll still be here when you wake up. I promise.
[He can't rest. He can't fall asleep when she's here because he misses her too much. Raleigh's shaking his head against the pillow, stubbornly refusing to listen to her because... he doesn't believe it. If he falls asleep, he'll wake up alone like every other morning.]
[ Mako says, because while she can't see his face, she knows that he's most definitely lying. She's half-here, light as a feather and definitely not warm, a woman of little comfort in the face of a grieving partner, and not for the first time, she quietly mourns for what could've been, the happy hours, days, weeks, years that had disappeared for the both of them.
It's what people mourn, she thinks. It's what's most painful: all that lost days that will never be.
[He doesn't know. Raleigh doesn't have a plan besides don't fall asleep and milk this, whatever it is, for all it's worth, for everything that he can get out of it.]
[ Mako frowns; she feels less like herself, but then it's what death does, doesn't it? You're only a shadow of the person you once were, and she wonders if Raleigh knows that, too. ]
Not always. [ She smiles, just briefly. ] You could find me in your dreams, Raleigh. And always, in the Drift.
[There is no Drift left. The pons and LOCCENTs are all disbanded, packed up and put into storage. There's no need for them anymore. No one to use them either since there's just one pilot left standing and what kind of sick joke is that anyway.
A career based on working in pairs and there's a single one left.]
[ Mako can feel herself smile, a faint, gossamer thing that isn't quite there, and she hurts for him, pressing tighter and hoping he feels it, hoping that he knows the things she never got quite the chance to say. ]
[When he sleeps. That's a rather big qualifier and you know it Mako. He was an insomniac before Pitfall and after, he's not sure there's a word for how little he sleeps and how little he wants to.]
Why look for you in my dreams when you're here right now?
[ Mako says quietly, resting her chin on his shoulder. ] I don't know how much longer I'll be here for. For all we know, I'm just a figment of your imagination.
[He finally gives up on staying where he is, on just lying there and pretending that everything is normal and fine when it's not, she's saying things that remind him that it's not and he moves on to his back in her arms.
Raleigh would swear that he sees a flash of her, before he blinks and there's no one there. And he feels like crying because if she's a ghost or something he made up-- either way, she's gone.
[ Mako is quiet for a few moments, letting him turn -- she could see the hurt in his eyes, the pain and the sorrow and the grief when his gaze slips by her after a moment. Mako wants to cry, herself, because she knows how heartbroken he is.
She's really dead, and the truth of it is undeniable, even when she attempts to press her face against his shoulder. ]
I'm sorry. [ A beat, then in a bid to lighten the mood: ] But we saved the world, didn't we? You're a hero now.
[Not better. Raleigh closes his eyes again, rather than directly face the fact that he can't see her, even if he can feel her shifting around him. Sometimes it's just easier to lie to himself, and make believe. Hurts less.]
I never really gave a shit about being a hero, Mako. I think I just wanted something to live for again.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i cried too :c
This is better than nothing. It's Mako, as much of her as he can get and it doesn't matter if she's not even real. This is good enough for him.]
That's even less reason to sleep.
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She stays with him, wrapped snug against his back. ] I'll still be here when you wake up. I promise.
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I'm okay. I'm not tired anyway.
[Liar liar pants on fire.]
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[ Mako says, because while she can't see his face, she knows that he's most definitely lying. She's half-here, light as a feather and definitely not warm, a woman of little comfort in the face of a grieving partner, and not for the first time, she quietly mourns for what could've been, the happy hours, days, weeks, years that had disappeared for the both of them.
It's what people mourn, she thinks. It's what's most painful: all that lost days that will never be.
Mako sighs. ] What do you intend to do?
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Stop sleeping? I've done that before.
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Not always. [ She smiles, just briefly. ] You could find me in your dreams, Raleigh. And always, in the Drift.
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[There is no Drift left. The pons and LOCCENTs are all disbanded, packed up and put into storage. There's no need for them anymore. No one to use them either since there's just one pilot left standing and what kind of sick joke is that anyway.
A career based on working in pairs and there's a single one left.]
That doesn't even make sense.
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Do you not have dreams, Raleigh? When you sleep.
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Why look for you in my dreams when you're here right now?
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[ Mako says quietly, resting her chin on his shoulder. ] I don't know how much longer I'll be here for. For all we know, I'm just a figment of your imagination.
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Raleigh would swear that he sees a flash of her, before he blinks and there's no one there. And he feels like crying because if she's a ghost or something he made up-- either way, she's gone.
She's really dead too.]
I hate this.
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She's really dead, and the truth of it is undeniable, even when she attempts to press her face against his shoulder. ]
I'm sorry. [ A beat, then in a bid to lighten the mood: ] But we saved the world, didn't we? You're a hero now.
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I never really gave a shit about being a hero, Mako. I think I just wanted something to live for again.