[That-- is a very good question. Raleigh's been a slave for so long, long enough that Mako had to work to break the habits he's formed as one, to be submissive and willing and keep his mouth shut, three things that he isn't naturally. He honestly doesn't remember what it's like not to have the collar around his throat, and hasn't thought that much about what he'd do if he got it off.
Because it was so damn unlikely that he ever would.]
Fuck, I haven't even-- I have no idea. It's not like the Marshal will take me back.
[ He's right -- at this point Mako doesn't even know if Pentecost would continue to let him stay here, but she'd fully determined that he would, even if she has to fight tooth and nail for it.
She exhales, because it's not just Raleigh's problem anymore. ]
[The look on Raleigh's face should really say it all. That he doesn't believe for a second that Stacker Pentecost is likely to forgive and forget when it comes to him. That this isn't just disobeying a direct order, it's much more shameful and dirty than that.
Mercenaries don't end up like him. They just don't.]
Pretty sure it'd be better to him if I'd actually died.
[ Mako frowns -- clearly, it doesn't sit well with her because she understands her adopted father's sentiment, but as with many things Raleigh could be the exception. She's seen the way he fights, the way he reacts; he's more of a fighter than a lover, his sleek movements betraying him as a mercenary than a bedslave.
Instead of telling him that, however (because it wouldn't change a thing), she changes tack: ]
Then push your way to him once your debt is finished. The Marshal prizes tenacity.
[ Because she's not going to let him languish here, not like this. She's envious of him, even -- she's always wanted to go out there, too. To fight, to mean something. ]
[She's delusional if she thinks he's going to take his freedom and leave her behind. He's seen the way she fights. If the Marshal won't take him back, there's nothing to stop them, really, from going out and fighting anyway, under their own terms.]
He also prizes people who keep their partners alive.
[ Mako considers that, frowning. Raleigh's punished himself enough for it -- the fact that he's been a slave for the past few years, sold from owner to owner: it has to be enough. The Marshal is strict, but he's not cruel.
(There's a chance he would reinstate him, but for a price: that he doesn't see Mako again.) ]
[No he hasn't. But he hasn't really had the opportunity to talk to Pentecost nor does he really want to because he has pride. He's not sure if he's about to beg for his job back.
(He won't give up Mako. That's asking too much.)]
I'm fairly certain we've only said two dozen words to each other in the entire time I've known him.
[ Because, you know, even now Mako is pushing him to let her out into the field, biting down fiercely and not letting go because she's not the little girl he'd saved anymore. And she knows that if Raleigh tries hard enough, he'll eventually get through, too.
[The Marshal's relationship with Mako is entirely different than how he treats his mercenaries. Even if he won't let her out into the field, it's because he cares about her, not because she shamed him or is a gross disappointment.
Raleigh holds himself stiff for a moment before he returns her embrace, wrapping his arms around her.]
[ Mako feels the way he wraps his arms around her, when he finally relaxes after holding himself tense for so long, but pauses in surprise at his words. ]
[Why is she surprised? She's not the only one who notices things when they spar. She's an amazing fighter, an almost perfect complement to his style. She's working to buy his freedom. She's the first person to try to treat him like a person with feelings instead of a slave with a collar, even if they still hit some bumps about that sometimes.
It's getting better and he is pretty sure they made good progress with it today.]
[ Well, because he's never really mentioned it, and Mako never thought to ask. She enjoys sparring with him, spending away all the hours with endless rounds, appreciating the way their style melded with each other, where it became a dialogue all by itself, drawn out and wonderful.
It's getting better, and Mako's working on it without fail, because the last thing she wants to do is hurt him with thoughtless words. But Stacker -- ]
[Imagine that, they're both in the same position. The Marshal controlling their future, refusing to allow them into the fight for different reasons. Raleigh at least had his chance, even if he fucked it up entirely.]
[ They are, aren't they? But she knows that the Marshal keeps her leashed for a reason, and she respects it. She knows what he's thinking, and why he's not letting her out there -- vengeance and hatred is a toxic thing, and Mako knows this.
She looks back at him for a moment, hedging and wondering how much to tell him. ]
[He really doesn't need her help to jump to conclusions about the Marshal and right now, it sounds a lot like he's being closed minded and overprotective.]
He took me in when my parents were... robbed and killed by a band of outlaws. He fears that I will become undiscerning when I go out into the field. [ Vengeance, she's been told - clouds judgment. ]
[That sounds both just like and unlike the Marshal that it just pisses him off. It sounds like something he'd say but he also doesn't seem to care that much about vengeance and vendettas with his other mercenaries and Mako is so much better than half of them that he knew.]
That's such bullshit. I go, you're coming with me, that's the deal. He's just holding you back right now.
[ Mako frowns -- she doesn't like hearing disparaging things about the Marshal, not when she understands his reasons but gets impatient with him anyway, rails against his decisions and to hear Raleigh say that so honestly... well.
He says exactly what she's thinking, and she squeezes his hand briefly. ]
Maybe you should work on you getting back as a mercenary first. [ One thing at a time, right? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Because it was so damn unlikely that he ever would.]
Fuck, I haven't even-- I have no idea. It's not like the Marshal will take me back.
[And this is all he knows, fighting and fucking.]
no subject
She exhales, because it's not just Raleigh's problem anymore. ]
Give him time. You took him by surprise.
no subject
Mercenaries don't end up like him. They just don't.]
Pretty sure it'd be better to him if I'd actually died.
no subject
Instead of telling him that, however (because it wouldn't change a thing), she changes tack: ]
What do you want to do?
no subject
Fight. I hate being practically exiled here when people are dying.
no subject
[ Because she's not going to let him languish here, not like this. She's envious of him, even -- she's always wanted to go out there, too. To fight, to mean something. ]
What you did was very important.
no subject
He also prizes people who keep their partners alive.
no subject
(There's a chance he would reinstate him, but for a price: that he doesn't see Mako again.) ]
Have you tried talking to him?
no subject
(He won't give up Mako. That's asking too much.)]
I'm fairly certain we've only said two dozen words to each other in the entire time I've known him.
no subject
[ Because, you know, even now Mako is pushing him to let her out into the field, biting down fiercely and not letting go because she's not the little girl he'd saved anymore. And she knows that if Raleigh tries hard enough, he'll eventually get through, too.
(Oh, Raleigh.)
She pulls him close, holding him tight. ]
I know you can do it.
no subject
Raleigh holds himself stiff for a moment before he returns her embrace, wrapping his arms around her.]
If he does let me, I want you to go with me.
no subject
Do you mean that?
no subject
It's getting better and he is pretty sure they made good progress with it today.]
Of course I do. I'm not going without you.
no subject
It's getting better, and Mako's working on it without fail, because the last thing she wants to do is hurt him with thoughtless words. But Stacker -- ]
He won't let me out there.
no subject
Why not? You're an amazing fighter.
no subject
She looks back at him for a moment, hedging and wondering how much to tell him. ]
He feels that I'm not yet ready, that's all.
no subject
What? What's he waiting for?
no subject
[ Because no matter how frustrated and upset she is with the Marshal, Mako refuses to badmouth him, or leave anyone with a bad impression of him. ]
no subject
[He really doesn't need her help to jump to conclusions about the Marshal and right now, it sounds a lot like he's being closed minded and overprotective.]
no subject
He took me in when my parents were... robbed and killed by a band of outlaws. He fears that I will become undiscerning when I go out into the field. [ Vengeance, she's been told - clouds judgment. ]
no subject
That's such bullshit. I go, you're coming with me, that's the deal. He's just holding you back right now.
no subject
He says exactly what she's thinking, and she squeezes his hand briefly. ]
Maybe you should work on you getting back as a mercenary first. [ One thing at a time, right? ]