Mako isn't supposed to be thinking of another man when she's sleeping in the same bed as the man she ought to want to spend her life with. She isn't supposed to think of golden blond hair and bright blue eyes, of strong arms and the curve of a generous mouth when it's her boyfriend's dark hair, dark eyes, and shy smile she should be thinking about.
He's sleeping beside her and Mako is restless, thinking of all the things that had come to form the fine, beautiful mess she finds herself in. She's deeply, hopelessly in love with Raleigh Becket, best friend and -- as of a whole year ago, ex-boyfriend, and she doesn't remember why it hadn't worked out, only that they'd mutually agreed to be friends, because neither one wanted to give up what they had.
Only... well, only things didn't die out, no matter how much they lied that it did; feelings die hard when it's the love of your life, your first, but they'd made a valiant effort out of it anyway, and Mako had introduced someone new to Raleigh in a bid to end what they had for good.
It doesn't work that way, not even when Mako found herself a boyfriend, a sweetly handsome, thoughtful young man that cannot be anymore different physically from Raleigh, from his hair to his swagger and to the way he smiles at her. Soon, she'd thought, soon she would stop pining. Mako had been wrong; six months on, and she had Raleigh had tumbled back into bed together, completely mindful of the fact that they were both dating different people, that they shouldn't, that they had their turn and it should be over, even if they stayed great friends after that.
They shouldn't, but they did, because the way Raleigh kisses her makes her melt and clutch him for more, the way she opens up and takes him back into her is intoxicating, and there's nothing that felt more right (and wrong) than this.
The first time, they'd decided, was a mistake. And so was the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth and sixth and tenth. The thing is, her current boyfriend is fine; he's funny where it counts, he's caring and loving where she needs him to be, and there really isn't a... push that would justify her texting Raleigh, thinking of Raleigh, yearning for Raleigh's hands on her body when her boyfriend kisses her. But she's thinking of him tonight, missing him, trying so hard to be faithful because two weeks ago -- two weeks ago should be the last time they'd gotten together, in the forbidden privacy of the back of his car, and then the hotel room. She sends the text before she can delete it, sparing her sleeping boyfriend a soft word of apology.
She loves her boyfriend, she thinks -- but Raleigh, Raleigh; he's so much more than that. ]
[Raleigh is sure of two things. He never should've let Mako go and he's a total moron for not trying to get her back a week after it happened. Sure, they tried to be just friends, and that might've worked out except that Raleigh didn't want it to, because he's jealous of her new boyfriend, because he's still in love with her and selfish in all the ways that count. Meaning all the ways that are connected to Mako.
Don't get him wrong, he likes his current girlfriend a lot. Would even consider marrying her if he hadn't already experienced Mako, been in love with her, had her, no one really holds a candle to her in comparison. He's loyal enough to feel guilty for cheating on her with Mako but apparently not enough to stop doing that. One time is an honest mistake-- well, it could be argued as one.
A dozen times in a variety of places, the last one in the backseat of his car and then a hotel room for round two because just once that night wasn't enough. That's not really a mistake anymore.
Raleigh's having a hard time sleeping tonight too, because he's bad at sleeping on good days, because Mako isn't in the bed with him, because he's wondering if he should just break up with his girlfriend because he's not being fair to her at all. Because here he is, reaching for his phone when it lights up and smiling to himself when he sees a message from Mako.]
[ Should've, could've, would've -- the mistakes of the past was what brought them here, and while it's true that Mako also regrets that she hadn't tried to hold on to it tighter; that she had decided to go the 'friend' route without exhausting all options (because she feared, she feared that if she did, they would have no return, not even to friends, and she loved him too much to let him go). They were never friends, and they were never going to be friends.
Mako is jealous of the girl she'd introduced to Raleigh in a desperate bid for friendship, to lay the lines between them that she'd later crossed, time and time again. It's Raleigh she wants with her, kissing her, but she likes to think that she'd been better at repressing it every time they go on a date together and her gaze lingers on him longer than it should.
And this is a reckless, terrible thing they're doing -- they're so hopelessly, desperately drawn to each other and neither of their partners deserve that, but this is what they have together, their little secret. ]
[It's really a matter of time, before it all blows up in their faces and one or both of their significant others finds out about all of this. Or until Raleigh snaps and breaks up with his girlfriend and does something even stupider like tell Mako's boyfriend that he's still sleeping with her to force him to break up with her too.
[ No. No, Raleigh. They can't. Sometimes Mako is tempted for that to happen, sometimes it's so, so clear to her that she just wants him, but a part of her is still careful, a hedge against how much she desires him.
She rolls on her side, and texts back. ]
You know there's a chance he'll hear. [ but she's getting out of bed anyway, heading out of the room to the quiet living room, sending him another text. ]You're terrible. Your girlfriend might hear you if you talked to me. Does she know what you sound like when you want someone badly?
[Raleigh's getting out of bed too, glancing at his girlfriend to see if she realizes he's getting up because he's texting and not because he has to pee or needs some water but he's pretty sure she's asleep and he starts wandering off to the kitchen to get that water or make a sandwich or just sit at the counter and text Mako until he gets caught.]
not like how I want you.
[That's Raleigh, horribly honest, even over texts. And then a moment later, he sends another.]
Come on, I'm going to call you in like a minute and you know it.
[ She knows it, of course she knows it -- Raleigh is reckless and prone to not thinking about consequences, and right now is no different. She looks down at her text like they're something precious, and she finally dials his number.
When he picks up, she's leaning against her window, facing the room so that she'd know if her boyfriend wakes. ]
[He smiles down at his phone when her name appears on it, with a little picture of her smile, one that he snapped one morning when she was just waking up and she had tackled him for it, demanding that he delete it because she probably looked awful and he distracted her with kisses and touches and kept it all the same.
She was wrong anyway, it's a great picture.]
I just want to kiss you. See how long it takes to make you want to bite me.
[ Mako is wistful, because she'd been thinking of that, too -- it would be wonderful to finally see him again, to give him a good, proper kiss because it's been too long, and she feels a pang of guilt for thinking that way, for wanting what she evidently can't have.
Making a soft noise of approval, she smiles, and it's obvious even through the phone. ] It won't take long -- you know I always want to bite you. Remember when I used to leave a mark?
[ Those were the days when she could, when he was hers and they weren't sneaking around about it. ]
[Yeah, he remembers. He trails his fingers along the side of his neck while she's talking about it, the marks are long gone now but that used to be a favorite spot for her mouth to attach to. Right over his pulse.]
[ Mako laughs, but quietly, remembering the fond moments with a familiar bittersweetness, and a longing that's always been there ever since they both parted ways. ]
You'd beg me to do it.
[ Because she knows how he loves it, how he feels under her, willing and wanting. She sighs, low and quiet. ] I wish it was you, sleeping in that bed.
Yeah. [Raleigh's voice is quiet too, glancing towards the stairs that lead to his bedroom and his sleeping girlfriend. This isn't fair to her. It's not fair to Mako's boyfriend either but Raleigh doesn't really give two shits about him.]
Except I wouldn't be sleeping, not with you right there.
[The honest answer is mixed. The honest answer is that Mako is better, at sex, at drawing passion out of him, at knowing what he likes. The honest answer is also that when his girlfriend wants to have sex, he doesn't say no, and he's been known to be frisky with her too.
Less so, since he and Mako started back up, because he's getting satisfaction elsewhere but it still happens. He's not really faithful to either one of them.]
There are still places you can sit here and not have to worry about people having sex there before.
[ Mako is silent for a moment -- it's naive to think that Raleigh would completely cut his girlfriend off once they started their little affair behind her back (and Mako's boyfriend's), and she feels a stab of jealousy. It's not new, but she's expected it -- she doesn't even know why she asked, only that perhaps the tiniest part of her had hoped otherwise.
But no, things don't work out that way; Mako still has sex with her boyfriend, enjoys him even if she doesn't love him as much as she does Raleigh, and how could she ask for anything different?
She smiles when she hears that next comment -- they are unfaithful, cheating liars who are only honest to each other, and Mako doesn't know what to make of that. ]
Good. It'd be awkward if I had to tell my boyfriend that we can't double-date at your house anymore. [ She pauses, however, before finally saying. ] ...That's good.
I've started thinking about you though. When we have sex.
[Why he's saying that, he really doesn't know. Maybe it's just in the interest of being honest with her completely, because she is, really the only person that he's ever completely honest with anymore. That's a new thing for him, he used to be so loyal and honest and open all the time and now look at him.
Mako blinks at that confession, feeling a flutter in her chest because she thought she'd been the only one to battle that. But Mako has always been a relatively quiet lover during sex -- so if she had to fight not to say Raleigh's name, how much more taxing would it have been on him? He's a mouthy bastard when they make love, and she has to make a soft, quiet noise of longing. She wants him here, she wants him with her, she wants him to say her name right now, and she's going to go to hell for being so unfaithful. ]
Oh, you are horrid. What am I going to do about you, Raleigh...?
[It was a bitch and a half, let him tell you. He knows that he's pretty loud and enthusiastic during sex, where his mouth filter falls him and every thought in his head tumbles out.]
I dunno, spank me probably. Do you think about me? Come on, be honest.
Good. [He really, really doesn't care about her boyfriend, is it obvious yet? Raleigh has to shift his weight though, after that whispered confession, a little frustrated that they can't meet up tonight.]
[ ...Yes. Yes, they are. Mako hesitates -- she really wants to see him, but, well; her boyfriend's in the bed and she can't quite abandon him halfway during the night. What would she even say?
But still, she wants to see him badly, wants to wrap her arms around him and kiss him stupid. ]
[Tell him that she's leaving him for Raleigh, how about that. And he'll tell his girlfriend the same thing, only replace it with her name and he'll buy a motorcycle and they'll ride off into the sunset.]
[ Oh, Raleigh, darling. Why do you give her ideas? Mako presses her forehead against the window and you have no idea how tempted she is by that, to just spill the beans and be with him, everything else be damned.
But she can't. They can't do that. ] Is she coming over anytime that night?
[He has a thousand and one ideas to do with her, and he can't help that he has an active imagination. But he's thought about it a lot, telling everyone the truth and be done with it.]
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ultra cheating
no subject
Mako isn't supposed to be thinking of another man when she's sleeping in the same bed as the man she ought to want to spend her life with. She isn't supposed to think of golden blond hair and bright blue eyes, of strong arms and the curve of a generous mouth when it's her boyfriend's dark hair, dark eyes, and shy smile she should be thinking about.
He's sleeping beside her and Mako is restless, thinking of all the things that had come to form the fine, beautiful mess she finds herself in. She's deeply, hopelessly in love with Raleigh Becket, best friend and -- as of a whole year ago, ex-boyfriend, and she doesn't remember why it hadn't worked out, only that they'd mutually agreed to be friends, because neither one wanted to give up what they had.
Only... well, only things didn't die out, no matter how much they lied that it did; feelings die hard when it's the love of your life, your first, but they'd made a valiant effort out of it anyway, and Mako had introduced someone new to Raleigh in a bid to end what they had for good.
It doesn't work that way, not even when Mako found herself a boyfriend, a sweetly handsome, thoughtful young man that cannot be anymore different physically from Raleigh, from his hair to his swagger and to the way he smiles at her. Soon, she'd thought, soon she would stop pining. Mako had been wrong; six months on, and she had Raleigh had tumbled back into bed together, completely mindful of the fact that they were both dating different people, that they shouldn't, that they had their turn and it should be over, even if they stayed great friends after that.
They shouldn't, but they did, because the way Raleigh kisses her makes her melt and clutch him for more, the way she opens up and takes him back into her is intoxicating, and there's nothing that felt more right (and wrong) than this.
The first time, they'd decided, was a mistake. And so was the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth and sixth and tenth. The thing is, her current boyfriend is fine; he's funny where it counts, he's caring and loving where she needs him to be, and there really isn't a... push that would justify her texting Raleigh, thinking of Raleigh, yearning for Raleigh's hands on her body when her boyfriend kisses her. But she's thinking of him tonight, missing him, trying so hard to be faithful because two weeks ago -- two weeks ago should be the last time they'd gotten together, in the forbidden privacy of the back of his car, and then the hotel room. She sends the text before she can delete it, sparing her sleeping boyfriend a soft word of apology.
She loves her boyfriend, she thinks -- but Raleigh, Raleigh; he's so much more than that. ]
Not sleeping?
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Don't get him wrong, he likes his current girlfriend a lot. Would even consider marrying her if he hadn't already experienced Mako, been in love with her, had her, no one really holds a candle to her in comparison. He's loyal enough to feel guilty for cheating on her with Mako but apparently not enough to stop doing that. One time is an honest mistake-- well, it could be argued as one.
A dozen times in a variety of places, the last one in the backseat of his car and then a hotel room for round two because just once that night wasn't enough. That's not really a mistake anymore.
Raleigh's having a hard time sleeping tonight too, because he's bad at sleeping on good days, because Mako isn't in the bed with him, because he's wondering if he should just break up with his girlfriend because he's not being fair to her at all. Because here he is, reaching for his phone when it lights up and smiling to himself when he sees a message from Mako.]
Not even a little. can I call you now?
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Mako is jealous of the girl she'd introduced to Raleigh in a desperate bid for friendship, to lay the lines between them that she'd later crossed, time and time again. It's Raleigh she wants with her, kissing her, but she likes to think that she'd been better at repressing it every time they go on a date together and her gaze lingers on him longer than it should.
And this is a reckless, terrible thing they're doing -- they're so hopelessly, desperately drawn to each other and neither of their partners deserve that, but this is what they have together, their little secret. ]
No, he's sleeping beside me right now.
But I miss you.
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Actually-- what if he did that.]
go to the bathroom? I miss your voice.
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She rolls on her side, and texts back. ]
You know there's a chance he'll hear. [ but she's getting out of bed anyway, heading out of the room to the quiet living room, sending him another text. ]You're terrible. Your girlfriend might hear you if you talked to me. Does she know what you sound like when you want someone badly?
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not like how I want you.
[That's Raleigh, horribly honest, even over texts. And then a moment later, he sends another.]
Come on, I'm going to call you in like a minute and you know it.
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When he picks up, she's leaning against her window, facing the room so that she'd know if her boyfriend wakes. ]
How do you want me?
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She was wrong anyway, it's a great picture.]
I just want to kiss you. See how long it takes to make you want to bite me.
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Making a soft noise of approval, she smiles, and it's obvious even through the phone. ] It won't take long -- you know I always want to bite you. Remember when I used to leave a mark?
[ Those were the days when she could, when he was hers and they weren't sneaking around about it. ]
You were mine, then.
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You were vicious. Kind of like dating a vampire.
[And he so loved it.]
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You'd beg me to do it.
[ Because she knows how he loves it, how he feels under her, willing and wanting. She sighs, low and quiet. ] I wish it was you, sleeping in that bed.
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Except I wouldn't be sleeping, not with you right there.
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I remember how insatiable you were. [ And because she's a masochist, and she just had to know, she continues. ] Are you like that with her too?
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[The honest answer is mixed. The honest answer is that Mako is better, at sex, at drawing passion out of him, at knowing what he likes. The honest answer is also that when his girlfriend wants to have sex, he doesn't say no, and he's been known to be frisky with her too.
Less so, since he and Mako started back up, because he's getting satisfaction elsewhere but it still happens. He's not really faithful to either one of them.]
There are still places you can sit here and not have to worry about people having sex there before.
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But no, things don't work out that way; Mako still has sex with her boyfriend, enjoys him even if she doesn't love him as much as she does Raleigh, and how could she ask for anything different?
She smiles when she hears that next comment -- they are unfaithful, cheating liars who are only honest to each other, and Mako doesn't know what to make of that. ]
Good. It'd be awkward if I had to tell my boyfriend that we can't double-date at your house anymore. [ She pauses, however, before finally saying. ] ...That's good.
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[Why he's saying that, he really doesn't know. Maybe it's just in the interest of being honest with her completely, because she is, really the only person that he's ever completely honest with anymore. That's a new thing for him, he used to be so loyal and honest and open all the time and now look at him.
That really only happens with Mako anymore.]
I almost said your name earlier.
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Mako blinks at that confession, feeling a flutter in her chest because she thought she'd been the only one to battle that. But Mako has always been a relatively quiet lover during sex -- so if she had to fight not to say Raleigh's name, how much more taxing would it have been on him? He's a mouthy bastard when they make love, and she has to make a soft, quiet noise of longing. She wants him here, she wants him with her, she wants him to say her name right now, and she's going to go to hell for being so unfaithful. ]
Oh, you are horrid. What am I going to do about you, Raleigh...?
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I dunno, spank me probably. Do you think about me? Come on, be honest.
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...I think about you all the time. When he's inside me, I wish it was you.
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Good. [He really, really doesn't care about her boyfriend, is it obvious yet? Raleigh has to shift his weight though, after that whispered confession, a little frustrated that they can't meet up tonight.]
When can I see you next?
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But still, she wants to see him badly, wants to wrap her arms around him and kiss him stupid. ]
Next week?
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She has to work late on Tuesday.
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But she can't. They can't do that. ] Is she coming over anytime that night?
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Not planning on it. So you coming over?