[Safe to say, Raleigh hits rock fucking bottom and then some after his brother's death, after he's dishonorably discharged (a fucking favor from Pentecost), after he stops giving a fuck about anything. He's not drinker, doesn't feel the appeal or drugs, falls into hooking because he's starving and some woman offers one night and apparently, even though he's a disgrace to the program, there are still people who adore him, the flies still stick to him and they'll pay a lot for the chance to say they slept with Raleigh Becket.
So that's what he does. That's how he survives and you would think that he would feel ashamed of himself, or guilty or like he's letting his brother's memory down-- but that would require that he feels anything at all.
She finds him one night, working his usual spot at the bar. Raleigh works purely on reputation alone, people find him, he doesn't go to them. It's like an unspoken secret up and down the Alaskan coast that if you want him and have the money, this is you need to go. She doesn't look or sound like a fly, she's dressed rather conservatively and she's quiet, with an obvious Japanese accent. She asks if he's Raleigh Becket, he confirms, she tells him that she has a proposition for him, he names his price and if she looks startled for a second, he passes it off as she didn't think he came that easily and doesn't think anything of it because she nods a moment later and they're off.
Raleigh can tell about four seconds into their "date" that she's never done this before, and that doesn't just mean pay someone for sex. She's clearly never done that before because she has never had sex before at all. She's nervous, tense, hesitant and that's just kissing, and even this new Raleigh, the cold and distant and numb one can't just brush that aside and pretend like he doesn't notice. Was she dared to do this? Did she lose a bet to her friends? Did she think it would be glamorous and exciting? He asks her if she's sure she wants to do this, tells her he'll give her a full refund, no hard feelings or anything.
But she surprises him again. She reaches for him, comes back at him with determination and resolve and like she's got something to prove and okay yeah, he is a fan of that but is she sure-- yes, yes she's sure, be quiet now Mister Becket.
Raleigh tries to feel guilty for it, even just a little bit for being her first. She seems like a bright young woman, she deserves better than her first time being in a crappy hotel room, but he can't because there's something else about her that's got his interest. He-- feels connected to her somehow, like he should know her but can't remember where he's met her before. But once she comes out of herself, the way they move together, the way she reaches for him, how she seems to search out what he likes as if she already knows what will happen-- it's different from the others he's been with.
It doesn't feel like just sex, it's a dialogue, an echo of the same pull that comes with Drift compatibility and just who are you, Mako.
Raleigh doesn't think she notices it, doesn't have any reason to think she's had ranger training, much less has ever been close to a Jaeger, and he has no idea how to bring up that conversation because how do you tell a girl who just paid you to sleep with her that you feel connected to her and that hasn't happened to you in five years and he's not a pilot anymore but he's going to be very sorry when she leaves. He wants to latch on to her, not to be his co-pilot but because he's so lonely and tired of being alone that she's like a shining star in the darkness.
Usually Raleigh leaves right after but he's lingering now, rolling off her just enough to shift his weight off her, trailing his fingers up her arm slowly.]
[ Raleigh is... not who Mako expects. Or, at least, the man that he is now, is the man she least expects him to be. It's a far cry from what she's seen of him through the countless videos -- that fearless, cocky ranger, so full of life and passion to save the world. The cockiness she could do without, but the fierce passion would be what would propelled him forward and make him shine.
Mako sees the former, and not the latter tonight; Raleigh is a fire gone cold, embers dying in the evening light when the cold sets in -- he's still devastatingly handsome, all-American bled into gold-blond hair and bright blue eyes (only now it's more of an imperceptible slate gray than anything) with a cold edge that she'd never seen before, not in any of the videos she'd so carefully watched.
But she's here on a mission and she will not fail Pentecost, even if the price he quotes up front throws her for a loop. She'd heard rumours, of course, that Raleigh Becket is hooking himself up and down the Alaskan coast, the light for all the jaegerflies looking to jockey the ex-jaeger pilot's dick for a great time and a certain fee. She'd heard a volley of it, from admiration to disgust to disappointment, but she hadn't believed it until now.
It had been on the tip of her tongue to refuse, but her curiosity outweighs her embarrassment and she pretty much bites off more than she can chew, when she accepts and they both go to a crappy hotel downtown. She buys him for the entire night, nervous but too proud to tell him that it's her first time, that she's never actually been with anyone before.
But then he finds out after the second, third kiss, and when he asks if they should stop, Mako surprises them both and takes the initiative, pulling him in against her and telling him to be quiet, instinctively reaching out and moving against him, and she knows, she knows that he's the one -- that he could be compatible with her, and they desperately need him back in the saddle again.
All thoughts of desperation, however, flow out when they have sex, when she seeks to please him instead of lying back and taking it all for herself -- no, it's a mutual arrangement, no matter the fact that the money's changed hands, and she hates for him to think that this is just another job, that he has to fuck her because she paid him to.
(Technically, she did, but she wants it to be more than that.)
Then it's over; she'd unraveled in his arms, under his lips and hands, her fingers tracing lightly over the impressive array of circuitry burns on his chest and bicep before she realised that he didn't like her touching that even if he didn't say as much. It's all right, she stops, and when she's basking in the post-coital afterglow, the sheer sensation of it takes her breath away.
This is different, this is new, this is incredible and it's almost like she's drifting with him, when they move as one without so much as a word to each other, and she instinctively knew where to touch, where to draw out the most pleasure -- he made her cry out more than once, leaves her a shuddering mess in his arms, and she takes a fierce sort of pride in drawing the same out of him. Twice. His strength thrills her in the most primitive of ways, and so does his finesse, the flicker of passion that ignites that she's sure he doesn't notice.
When he rolls off her once it's over, she's pleasantly surprised that he doesn't just up and leave. How strange, and how interesting -- it seems as if he doesn't want her to go, and she's actually... happy for it. Mako's skin tingles under his fingers, but she fights to blurt out the truth. No, such matters are best when they're being led up to, and Mako wants to understand him further. ]
[Raleigh doesn't answer immediately, runs his fingers up her arm, circling around her shoulder, her collarbone, settling his palm against her skin where he can feel her heart racing still. It was a good night with her, and it's not even technically over, she's paid out for a few more hours. He's been going through the motions for so long, that it's a little bit of a wonder now, to be with her. Because she draws him out of himself, and he notices her and she's certainly not a Jaeger fly, which still makes him wonder what she's doing here and what she sought him out for. She's definitely not here to fulfill some fantasy about pilots and how sad is it, that she's the first one in a long time to make him feel really anything at all.
No one can accuse Raleigh of being inattentive but when it's over, it's over, he doesn't care about the people who pay to sleep with him, doesn't think about them ever again. Everyone gets off but he sticks to a routine and takes the easy way but not with Mako. Maybe it was because he knew it was her first time and he wanted to make it a little more special but maybe it was just her, and that's just how she affects him.
He wants more. It's like scraping the tip of the iceberg and he knows that he's sinking now but there's so much more under the surface of her to be explored, to learn about and it'd be worth it.]
[ Raleigh is far from an inattentive lover really -- even with Mako's wildly limited range on matters like these, she knows that he's putting forward a special sort of effort, trying harder, for reasons that still elude her. There's a connection between them that sparks to life, more powerful than passion and lust, and Mako sees the softness in his eyes, the flicker of it and thinks that this might be falling in love.
She's drawn to him not because of the stories or everything that she's learned about him. She's drawn to him because she's charmed by him in ways she can't yet explain, as if he and her are kindred, and not just because he'd pretty much fucked her into the mattress and she had encouraged that with all the luster of a budding seductress. ]
In the interest of truth, Mr. Becket. [ Mako begins carefully, shifting to look him in the eye steadily, and a part of her hopes that he doesn't leave this bed when he discovers why she's really here. ] I'm different because I'm training to be a pilot. Just like you were.
[Raleigh drops his chin to rest on her shoulder, still looking at her, but tenser now than he was a few moments ago. At least he was right, she's not a fly. She's a Ranger, or trying to be and wasn't that program ending? He's heard rumors about the Shatterdomes around the Pacific being shut down, and anyone with eyes can see the wall being put up along the coast.
Still. Good for her, he guesses. What else is he supposed to say? It's a hell of a ride until you lose half your soul and this is where you end up.]
[ She tenses his tension a heartbeat before she feels it, because she imagines this is the last thing they ought to talk about at a time like this, when they're both aware that he's her first and she'd literally paid him to take it.
Mako doesn't know what to make of it, decides that it doesn't matter when the fate of the world hangs in the balance, because there's no one else like Raleigh, no one else who could jockey the way he did -- mainly because the others were all dead, but still, he had been the only one to pilot a jaeger solo.
She exhales, choosing her words carefully as she meets his eyes. ] I'm here to ask you to return to the programme. [ A beat of silence, then. ] This... hadn't been a part of the plan.
[Raleigh's tense all over before she's finished speaking, like he sees it coming and he doesn't like it. It's nice to know that she didn't come here with the intent of seducing him back into the program but that leaves the real sticking point-- that she wants him to come back to the corps and no.
No, he's not going to do that.
He pulls away from her a moment later, the sheets fall to settle by his hips when he sits up and part of him is screaming at him to get up and leave right now, just end this right now but he's not a coward. He doesn't run, didn't even run from the Jaeger program, despite what it seemed like. He's not running from his mistakes, he's living with them the best way he knows how.]
... you won't be going back totally empty handed at least.
[It's a bad joke but he's just not letting someone else in his head again.]
[ Mako doesn't smile at that, when she watches him --regrettably -- pulling away from her; and he's entirely, undeniably gorgeous, the lines of his body hypnotic when he moves, innately graceful but strong and not like a panther. A part of her itches to touch him again, to pull him back into her and make him forget they ever spoke, but no -- not like this.
Her fingers tighten briefly on the sheets, but she sits up with him, too, holding up the sheet to her chest for a measure of decency even if he's seen it all, and had done much more. She's going to lose him if she doesn't say anything, and so she does: ]
We need you. You know what's happening to the PPDC -- do you really think the Wall will hold up against any one of them?
[He's not stupid. Of course that Wall isn't going to stand up against a kaiju. The monsters are capable of tearing apart cities and the Jaegers built to protect them, he knows that first hand, a wall isn't going to slow them down for very long.]
My brother was still in my head when he died. I can't do that again.
[He doesn't say that she's the first person since Yancy died that he's felt any sort of connection to, any kind of spark when she touched him, that if he had to find another co-pilot, he knows he wouldn't have to look very far.]
[ He doesn't say it, but she knows it -- she knows what she feels and she knows what he's thinking. Mako might not truly understand the depth of his grief, but she respects it, she's seen the consequences of it; Raleigh turning tricks for those jaegerflies who want a good time. ]
Then you know that we're all, at best, going to die. [ Mako says plainly, because the world is going to come to an end and no amount of sugarcoating can make that truth any sweeter. ] It's just a matter of time.
[ She reaches out, puts a hand in his to get him to look at her. ] You felt it too, didn't you?
[Maybe it's taken too long for that to happen already, and he's had enough of waiting to die. Because Raleigh can't do himself in, no matter how miserable he is but he can and has been waiting for it to happen in one way or another. It's exhausting, so draining waiting for it to end.
She gets her wish and he looks at her when she reaches for his hand, even if he doesn't grab her hand back, not just yet. He's hesitating, does she really know what she's asking of him. What she's more or less volunteering herself for.]
If it had gone according to plan, [and they hadn't had this, this glimmer of a connection. He gets why sex isn't considered an official way to test compatibility but it works the same as the kwoon or dancing]
Ordered you around. Ask if you'd rather die here than in your jaeger. [ Mako gives him a thin smile; she'd considered that outcome, had even calculated Raleigh's reaction over and over, in many different configurations and scenarios, and somehow, none of them panned out. ] Although the Marshal would be better at convincing you using that method.
[ But Raleigh looks uncertain and she understands, even flush with the wonder of their connection -- and really, testing for compatibility via sex isn't going to work if you're related, or something. ]
[Since he's not really a Ranger anymore, and what's the point of trying to be formal after what they did tonight. That's right, there isn't any. Not when he has the memory of of her moans in his ears and the ghost of her skin against his and his heart is reaching for her, singing her name over and over, this one this one, we want this one.]
[ And Mako can't help but shift under the new intensity of feelings, the pull of him and the way he makes her feel, and she's sure it's not the post-coitus haze talking. She pauses at his words, shaking her head because it matters. He matters. He's the one, and she's never known this feeling so deep and so true.
It's like she's found a piece of herself tonight, one she didn't know that she'd lost. ]
[If she'd asked him anything but that-- he probably would've said yes. Yes, yes whatever she wants except for that. Raleigh can't pilot again, he's not physically or mentally ready for it, still lost in his grief over his brother and too cautious now to want to risk losing a second co-pilot. He's self aware enough to know-- he's never going to walk away from something like that.
And really, he knows who his co-pilot would be, she's sharing the bed with him right now, and that's even less reason to do it. They could be really something together but that would mean exposing her to all of the shit that he's done and she deserves better than that.
She deserves better than him, a washed up Ranger selling himself for food, slowly scraping away the tatters of his dignity until he doesn't even remember how to spell the world.]
... I won't. I'm sorry but I'm not going to do that.
[ He doesn't get to tell her what she does and doesn't deserve -- Mako would've told him as much if she knows what he's thinking, but perhaps it's critical, when she knows he deserves better than this, than selling himself night after night just because he thought destroying himself would be a better alternative to this.
There's a flicker of disappointment when he refuses her, and a profound sort of sadness but not pity; but Mako doesn't want to let him slip through her fingers. Out of billions of people in the world, she thinks, she's finally found someone who could fit with her, physically and mentally, someone that -- in the expanse of a little more than an hour -- had made her feel things she hadn't ever felt before, physically and mentally.
How could she let someone like him walk away? ]
Why? [ She knows, of course -- but she wants to hear him say it. ]
[Raleigh just shakes his head at her. She knows why because he already told her. He can still hear Yancy's scream, feel his fear and his pain and the crushing silence that followed, it wasn't just that Yancy was torn out of the pons, it was that he was gone forever, Raleigh could just tell.
He can't do that again. He can't let someone else into his head.]
It's just not what I do anymore. I had my shot and I wrecked it.
[ Mako says quietly. She can see the pain in his eyes, and wishes things could be different. Her fingers drift lightly before she even knows it, tracing the lines of his face -- older, she thinks. Sadder; it's the face of a man who has lost everything but the smallest glimmer that she'd seen a glimpse of.
She doesn't know for sure, but she knows the way he looks at her, the way his passion leaps and burns under his skin, as if it's new to him. ] It can be different, this time.
[It makes him a little uneasy, but at least it's not tracing his scars again. There's not really much Raleigh can do to hide his scars, with what he does but he hates it when his customers pay attention to them. They're not sexy. It's not attractive. Here touch this instead, let him kiss you to distract you.
He reaches up to catch her hand, pulls it away from his face gently.]
[ She's still not taking no for an answer, not like this -- but she's willing to back off and to find another way to get through to him. There's still a few hours left of their time together, and she lets him guide her hand away before she leans in to capture his lips with hers.
She's being manipulative, she knows, because she's kissing him to distract him, to remember him for herself, and her hand moves to stroke over his shoulder, pulling him near. ]
[Raleigh doesn't answer that, just kisses her again. They do only have a few hours left, and he doesn't want to spend it arguing with her about whether or not he's going to come back to the Jaeger program. He's not, so there's that and what if they spent that time getting to know each other better. If they spend that time getting all they can get out of this.
He moves closer to her, moving on top of her again so he can kiss her better. Maybe he's manipulating her a little bit too, using what tricks he knows to distract her entirely from that conversation entirely.]
[ Mako kisses him back without hesitation, and even if he's supposed to be a complete stranger to her, it feels like she's known him; it feels like she wants him, when she fits in his arms and he is a welcome, solid weight above her.
Her hands coming to stroke over him, yearning to map out his body underneath her hands instead of waiting for him to service her. It is reciprocal, her touch curious, roaming despite greater agendas, and she sighs softly, shivering pleasantly against him. ]
[She's definitely more... considerate than most of the girls that Raleigh sleeps with. Hardly anyone is ever lacking for enthusiasm but Mako is certainly one of the more conscientious that she's not the only one in the bed and he's not a glorified sex toy.
Whether that's because she's new, and excited or because of the pull that he feels growing between them, the way she draws things out of him that no one else can.]
You have a few more hours. Anything you wanna try?
[ Because Mako doesn't believe in using hookers, because she sees him as more than a rank, his job, or a pretty face and an exceptional dick. No; Mako sees him as a real person, and it shows just as clearly as her inexperience.
She's intent to explore him, drawn to the attraction that pulses between them. Mako hesitates; her breadth of knowledge of such activities are woefully limited, and Raleigh catches her off guard. ...Anything she wants to try? Like what?
Awkwardly, she tries to fish for something that doesn't seem so painfully innocent. ]
You could... keep kissing me. Do you want to try anything?
[When he laughs, it's not cruel at all, it's amused and a little adoring and maybe a little guilty too because he knew this was her first time but he forgot what that meant, really. Or he assumed she knew more than she did, given how quickly she picked everything up, he thought maybe--]
Not about what I want. [Raleigh kisses her because she asked, once, twice, a third time.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hooker au.
[Safe to say, Raleigh hits rock fucking bottom and then some after his brother's death, after he's dishonorably discharged (a fucking favor from Pentecost), after he stops giving a fuck about anything. He's not drinker, doesn't feel the appeal or drugs, falls into hooking because he's starving and some woman offers one night and apparently, even though he's a disgrace to the program, there are still people who adore him, the flies still stick to him and they'll pay a lot for the chance to say they slept with Raleigh Becket.
So that's what he does. That's how he survives and you would think that he would feel ashamed of himself, or guilty or like he's letting his brother's memory down-- but that would require that he feels anything at all.
She finds him one night, working his usual spot at the bar. Raleigh works purely on reputation alone, people find him, he doesn't go to them. It's like an unspoken secret up and down the Alaskan coast that if you want him and have the money, this is you need to go. She doesn't look or sound like a fly, she's dressed rather conservatively and she's quiet, with an obvious Japanese accent. She asks if he's Raleigh Becket, he confirms, she tells him that she has a proposition for him, he names his price and if she looks startled for a second, he passes it off as she didn't think he came that easily and doesn't think anything of it because she nods a moment later and they're off.
Raleigh can tell about four seconds into their "date" that she's never done this before, and that doesn't just mean pay someone for sex. She's clearly never done that before because she has never had sex before at all. She's nervous, tense, hesitant and that's just kissing, and even this new Raleigh, the cold and distant and numb one can't just brush that aside and pretend like he doesn't notice. Was she dared to do this? Did she lose a bet to her friends? Did she think it would be glamorous and exciting? He asks her if she's sure she wants to do this, tells her he'll give her a full refund, no hard feelings or anything.
But she surprises him again. She reaches for him, comes back at him with determination and resolve and like she's got something to prove and okay yeah, he is a fan of that but is she sure-- yes, yes she's sure, be quiet now Mister Becket.
Raleigh tries to feel guilty for it, even just a little bit for being her first. She seems like a bright young woman, she deserves better than her first time being in a crappy hotel room, but he can't because there's something else about her that's got his interest. He-- feels connected to her somehow, like he should know her but can't remember where he's met her before. But once she comes out of herself, the way they move together, the way she reaches for him, how she seems to search out what he likes as if she already knows what will happen-- it's different from the others he's been with.
It doesn't feel like just sex, it's a dialogue, an echo of the same pull that comes with Drift compatibility and just who are you, Mako.
Raleigh doesn't think she notices it, doesn't have any reason to think she's had ranger training, much less has ever been close to a Jaeger, and he has no idea how to bring up that conversation because how do you tell a girl who just paid you to sleep with her that you feel connected to her and that hasn't happened to you in five years and he's not a pilot anymore but he's going to be very sorry when she leaves. He wants to latch on to her, not to be his co-pilot but because he's so lonely and tired of being alone that she's like a shining star in the darkness.
Usually Raleigh leaves right after but he's lingering now, rolling off her just enough to shift his weight off her, trailing his fingers up her arm slowly.]
Thank you.
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Mako sees the former, and not the latter tonight; Raleigh is a fire gone cold, embers dying in the evening light when the cold sets in -- he's still devastatingly handsome, all-American bled into gold-blond hair and bright blue eyes (only now it's more of an imperceptible slate gray than anything) with a cold edge that she'd never seen before, not in any of the videos she'd so carefully watched.
But she's here on a mission and she will not fail Pentecost, even if the price he quotes up front throws her for a loop. She'd heard rumours, of course, that Raleigh Becket is hooking himself up and down the Alaskan coast, the light for all the jaegerflies looking to jockey the ex-jaeger pilot's dick for a great time and a certain fee. She'd heard a volley of it, from admiration to disgust to disappointment, but she hadn't believed it until now.
It had been on the tip of her tongue to refuse, but her curiosity outweighs her embarrassment and she pretty much bites off more than she can chew, when she accepts and they both go to a crappy hotel downtown. She buys him for the entire night, nervous but too proud to tell him that it's her first time, that she's never actually been with anyone before.
But then he finds out after the second, third kiss, and when he asks if they should stop, Mako surprises them both and takes the initiative, pulling him in against her and telling him to be quiet, instinctively reaching out and moving against him, and she knows, she knows that he's the one -- that he could be compatible with her, and they desperately need him back in the saddle again.
All thoughts of desperation, however, flow out when they have sex, when she seeks to please him instead of lying back and taking it all for herself -- no, it's a mutual arrangement, no matter the fact that the money's changed hands, and she hates for him to think that this is just another job, that he has to fuck her because she paid him to.
(Technically, she did, but she wants it to be more than that.)
Then it's over; she'd unraveled in his arms, under his lips and hands, her fingers tracing lightly over the impressive array of circuitry burns on his chest and bicep before she realised that he didn't like her touching that even if he didn't say as much. It's all right, she stops, and when she's basking in the post-coital afterglow, the sheer sensation of it takes her breath away.
This is different, this is new, this is incredible and it's almost like she's drifting with him, when they move as one without so much as a word to each other, and she instinctively knew where to touch, where to draw out the most pleasure -- he made her cry out more than once, leaves her a shuddering mess in his arms, and she takes a fierce sort of pride in drawing the same out of him. Twice. His strength thrills her in the most primitive of ways, and so does his finesse, the flicker of passion that ignites that she's sure he doesn't notice.
When he rolls off her once it's over, she's pleasantly surprised that he doesn't just up and leave. How strange, and how interesting -- it seems as if he doesn't want her to go, and she's actually... happy for it. Mako's skin tingles under his fingers, but she fights to blurt out the truth. No, such matters are best when they're being led up to, and Mako wants to understand him further. ]
Why?
holy shit do i love this
No one can accuse Raleigh of being inattentive but when it's over, it's over, he doesn't care about the people who pay to sleep with him, doesn't think about them ever again. Everyone gets off but he sticks to a routine and takes the easy way but not with Mako. Maybe it was because he knew it was her first time and he wanted to make it a little more special but maybe it was just her, and that's just how she affects him.
He wants more. It's like scraping the tip of the iceberg and he knows that he's sinking now but there's so much more under the surface of her to be explored, to learn about and it'd be worth it.]
You're different. And I appreciate that.
akjshdakjhf ilu <3
She's drawn to him not because of the stories or everything that she's learned about him. She's drawn to him because she's charmed by him in ways she can't yet explain, as if he and her are kindred, and not just because he'd pretty much fucked her into the mattress and she had encouraged that with all the luster of a budding seductress. ]
In the interest of truth, Mr. Becket. [ Mako begins carefully, shifting to look him in the eye steadily, and a part of her hopes that he doesn't leave this bed when he discovers why she's really here. ] I'm different because I'm training to be a pilot. Just like you were.
NO I LOVE YOU
Still. Good for her, he guesses. What else is he supposed to say? It's a hell of a ride until you lose half your soul and this is where you end up.]
Is that why you came to find me?
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Mako doesn't know what to make of it, decides that it doesn't matter when the fate of the world hangs in the balance, because there's no one else like Raleigh, no one else who could jockey the way he did -- mainly because the others were all dead, but still, he had been the only one to pilot a jaeger solo.
She exhales, choosing her words carefully as she meets his eyes. ] I'm here to ask you to return to the programme. [ A beat of silence, then. ] This... hadn't been a part of the plan.
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No, he's not going to do that.
He pulls away from her a moment later, the sheets fall to settle by his hips when he sits up and part of him is screaming at him to get up and leave right now, just end this right now but he's not a coward. He doesn't run, didn't even run from the Jaeger program, despite what it seemed like. He's not running from his mistakes, he's living with them the best way he knows how.]
... you won't be going back totally empty handed at least.
[It's a bad joke but he's just not letting someone else in his head again.]
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Her fingers tighten briefly on the sheets, but she sits up with him, too, holding up the sheet to her chest for a measure of decency even if he's seen it all, and had done much more. She's going to lose him if she doesn't say anything, and so she does: ]
We need you. You know what's happening to the PPDC -- do you really think the Wall will hold up against any one of them?
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My brother was still in my head when he died. I can't do that again.
[He doesn't say that she's the first person since Yancy died that he's felt any sort of connection to, any kind of spark when she touched him, that if he had to find another co-pilot, he knows he wouldn't have to look very far.]
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Then you know that we're all, at best, going to die. [ Mako says plainly, because the world is going to come to an end and no amount of sugarcoating can make that truth any sweeter. ] It's just a matter of time.
[ She reaches out, puts a hand in his to get him to look at her. ] You felt it too, didn't you?
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She gets her wish and he looks at her when she reaches for his hand, even if he doesn't grab her hand back, not just yet. He's hesitating, does she really know what she's asking of him. What she's more or less volunteering herself for.]
If it had gone according to plan, [and they hadn't had this, this glimmer of a connection. He gets why sex isn't considered an official way to test compatibility but it works the same as the kwoon or dancing]
How would you have tried to convince me?
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[ But Raleigh looks uncertain and she understands, even flush with the wonder of their connection -- and really, testing for compatibility via sex isn't going to work if you're related, or something. ]
You're not at all what I imagined, Ranger Becket.
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[Since he's not really a Ranger anymore, and what's the point of trying to be formal after what they did tonight. That's right, there isn't any. Not when he has the memory of of her moans in his ears and the ghost of her skin against his and his heart is reaching for her, singing her name over and over, this one this one, we want this one.]
Is it better or worse?
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[ And Mako can't help but shift under the new intensity of feelings, the pull of him and the way he makes her feel, and she's sure it's not the post-coitus haze talking. She pauses at his words, shaking her head because it matters. He matters. He's the one, and she's never known this feeling so deep and so true.
It's like she's found a piece of herself tonight, one she didn't know that she'd lost. ]
...Raleigh. Come back with me.
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And really, he knows who his co-pilot would be, she's sharing the bed with him right now, and that's even less reason to do it. They could be really something together but that would mean exposing her to all of the shit that he's done and she deserves better than that.
She deserves better than him, a washed up Ranger selling himself for food, slowly scraping away the tatters of his dignity until he doesn't even remember how to spell the world.]
... I won't. I'm sorry but I'm not going to do that.
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There's a flicker of disappointment when he refuses her, and a profound sort of sadness but not pity; but Mako doesn't want to let him slip through her fingers. Out of billions of people in the world, she thinks, she's finally found someone who could fit with her, physically and mentally, someone that -- in the expanse of a little more than an hour -- had made her feel things she hadn't ever felt before, physically and mentally.
How could she let someone like him walk away? ]
Why? [ She knows, of course -- but she wants to hear him say it. ]
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He can't do that again. He can't let someone else into his head.]
It's just not what I do anymore. I had my shot and I wrecked it.
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[ Mako says quietly. She can see the pain in his eyes, and wishes things could be different. Her fingers drift lightly before she even knows it, tracing the lines of his face -- older, she thinks. Sadder; it's the face of a man who has lost everything but the smallest glimmer that she'd seen a glimpse of.
She doesn't know for sure, but she knows the way he looks at her, the way his passion leaps and burns under his skin, as if it's new to him. ] It can be different, this time.
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He reaches up to catch her hand, pulls it away from his face gently.]
No, Mako. That's my final answer.
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She's being manipulative, she knows, because she's kissing him to distract him, to remember him for herself, and her hand moves to stroke over his shoulder, pulling him near. ]
I'm not giving up on you, Raleigh.
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He moves closer to her, moving on top of her again so he can kiss her better. Maybe he's manipulating her a little bit too, using what tricks he knows to distract her entirely from that conversation entirely.]
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Her hands coming to stroke over him, yearning to map out his body underneath her hands instead of waiting for him to service her. It is reciprocal, her touch curious, roaming despite greater agendas, and she sighs softly, shivering pleasantly against him. ]
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Whether that's because she's new, and excited or because of the pull that he feels growing between them, the way she draws things out of him that no one else can.]
You have a few more hours. Anything you wanna try?
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She's intent to explore him, drawn to the attraction that pulses between them. Mako hesitates; her breadth of knowledge of such activities are woefully limited, and Raleigh catches her off guard. ...Anything she wants to try? Like what?
Awkwardly, she tries to fish for something that doesn't seem so painfully innocent. ]
You could... keep kissing me. Do you want to try anything?
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Not about what I want. [Raleigh kisses her because she asked, once, twice, a third time.]
This is all you.
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