[Raleigh doesn't think of himself as a prideful person, a lot of his ego died with his brother but even then, it wasn't like he had to be right and do things himself all the time every time. Actually, he was pretty reliant on his brother for a lot and that was okay and it would still be okay with Mako if she wasn't making all of the decision for him and keeping things from him because she knew he'd disagree.
He gets it, the collar makes it complicated and he can't do a single thing to stop her. But she can't actually stop him from being irritated. Or feeling worthless.]
[ Mako regrets the words as soon as they come out, knows that she could have gentled them because it sounds far too harsh now. But look, the ends justify the means -- Mako paying for him is the most expedient way out of this, the best way she could keep him while giving him as much freedom as possible.
Mako had given him a comfortable life; Raleigh is allowed free rein of the base and beyond if he wanted while he bides his time for his freedom. Isn't that better? ]
Raleigh stiffens like a cornered bear, like he wants nothing more than to lash out at her but he won't because to do that would mean the end of him, it's crossing too many lines, it's taking liberties he's not allowed because he can't actually do anything on his own. Thank you, Mako for the reminder, he'd almost forgotten.]
I don't know, why don't you just keep on telling me what I'm allowed to do.
[ Raleigh looks like he'd just been slapped in the face, and that wasn't -- quite the way Mako intended for it to sound, not at all. She's just -- she's lost. It's the first time she's actually dating someone, and Raleigh being a slave just really complicates matters a lot more.
But now he's hurt and he's angry with her and she never meant for that to happen. ]
I didn't mean it like that. [ It's really, really hard, to swallow her pride and everything, but Mako's very much aware of the fact that she's really stepped in it this time, despite best intentions. ] I should have consulted you first.
[Because she's right. There's not a single thing he can do to earn his freedom, someone else has to buy it for him and he wants to be grateful that Mako's trying, that she cares enough to want to but it's so overwhelmed with the feeling that she's only doing it to prove another point. Maybe that's crazy and irrational but Raleigh's never really been known for being the most logical of people.]
Mako narrows her eyes, because what the hell, Raleigh? After all of this, he tells her he's got a problem with her ever since they first met? ] My problem since day one? What's that supposed to mean?
[Oh he's told her the problem before. He just made the mistake of figuring that they were already past it.]
Try and tell me that you haven't made all the decisions between us since the day Chuck threw me at you. And that you haven't tried to talk over me since then either.
[ That was practically a slap in the face. Mako hadn't expected that coming, but -- he's right; and there's no way around it. He's right, and Mako's been talking over him since day one.
She's silent for a moment, guilty, realising. But -- ]
How much of what you did since the day Chuck threw you at me was based on your own free will?
[Because you can't make someone love you and you can't control who you love either. She frustrates him sometimes, and she doesn't always realize how what she does makes him feel but he still loves her. That has nothing to do with his collar or his papers or his debt.]
[ That shuts Mako up. It makes her stop short, startled because Raleigh puts it so plainly, so simply, that her pride seems a frivolous thing in an argument like this.
All Raleigh did was love her -- he was gentle, he was sweet, and he was more than giving, and Mako hadn't paused nearly often enough to ask about how he felt about it. And just like that, almost all the fight goes out of her, because he's right here too, isn't he?
Finally, she says, her voice quiet and subdued. Mako knows when she's lost. ]
...Raleigh. I am very sorry. I should have consulted you about it.
[Raleigh doesn't want to shut her up, he just wants her to see what she's doing to him. And how frustrating it is to be talked over and know that there's really nothing he can do about that if she doesn't want to stop doing it. And how-- kind of terrifying that it is if she decides that she isn't going to stop and listen to him.
Because yeah, he really does love her and he really respects her and that would effectively shatter that.
When the fight leaves her though, the tension bleeds out of him because that was entirely irrational fear to have. It's Mako. He loves her for a lot of reasons and one of them is that she does treat him like a person, she doesn't mean to talk over him, she cares too and it's an adjustment for both of them, to work around the collar.]
It doesn't matter what you should've done. Are you going to in the future?
[ But Mako will -- she will stop to listen to him; all she needs is more practice. Relationships like these are new to her, but Raleigh matters enough that she will try, and try, because theirs are complicated and she knows that this relationship must go both ways.
Raleigh is a calming influence on her, a balm to her anger and a curb for her temper; for that Mako is grateful. She reaches out to take his hand in hers, squeezing it -- for him, she can swallow her pride because they're equals, no matter what the collar on his neck says. They're partners, right? They're in this together. ]
Yes. [ She promises him, but frowns, because speaking of the future -- ] What are you going to do, when you're free again?
[That-- is a very good question. Raleigh's been a slave for so long, long enough that Mako had to work to break the habits he's formed as one, to be submissive and willing and keep his mouth shut, three things that he isn't naturally. He honestly doesn't remember what it's like not to have the collar around his throat, and hasn't thought that much about what he'd do if he got it off.
Because it was so damn unlikely that he ever would.]
Fuck, I haven't even-- I have no idea. It's not like the Marshal will take me back.
[ He's right -- at this point Mako doesn't even know if Pentecost would continue to let him stay here, but she'd fully determined that he would, even if she has to fight tooth and nail for it.
She exhales, because it's not just Raleigh's problem anymore. ]
[The look on Raleigh's face should really say it all. That he doesn't believe for a second that Stacker Pentecost is likely to forgive and forget when it comes to him. That this isn't just disobeying a direct order, it's much more shameful and dirty than that.
Mercenaries don't end up like him. They just don't.]
Pretty sure it'd be better to him if I'd actually died.
[ Mako frowns -- clearly, it doesn't sit well with her because she understands her adopted father's sentiment, but as with many things Raleigh could be the exception. She's seen the way he fights, the way he reacts; he's more of a fighter than a lover, his sleek movements betraying him as a mercenary than a bedslave.
Instead of telling him that, however (because it wouldn't change a thing), she changes tack: ]
Then push your way to him once your debt is finished. The Marshal prizes tenacity.
[ Because she's not going to let him languish here, not like this. She's envious of him, even -- she's always wanted to go out there, too. To fight, to mean something. ]
[She's delusional if she thinks he's going to take his freedom and leave her behind. He's seen the way she fights. If the Marshal won't take him back, there's nothing to stop them, really, from going out and fighting anyway, under their own terms.]
He also prizes people who keep their partners alive.
[ Mako considers that, frowning. Raleigh's punished himself enough for it -- the fact that he's been a slave for the past few years, sold from owner to owner: it has to be enough. The Marshal is strict, but he's not cruel.
(There's a chance he would reinstate him, but for a price: that he doesn't see Mako again.) ]
[No he hasn't. But he hasn't really had the opportunity to talk to Pentecost nor does he really want to because he has pride. He's not sure if he's about to beg for his job back.
(He won't give up Mako. That's asking too much.)]
I'm fairly certain we've only said two dozen words to each other in the entire time I've known him.
[ Because, you know, even now Mako is pushing him to let her out into the field, biting down fiercely and not letting go because she's not the little girl he'd saved anymore. And she knows that if Raleigh tries hard enough, he'll eventually get through, too.
[The Marshal's relationship with Mako is entirely different than how he treats his mercenaries. Even if he won't let her out into the field, it's because he cares about her, not because she shamed him or is a gross disappointment.
Raleigh holds himself stiff for a moment before he returns her embrace, wrapping his arms around her.]
[ Mako feels the way he wraps his arms around her, when he finally relaxes after holding himself tense for so long, but pauses in surprise at his words. ]
[Why is she surprised? She's not the only one who notices things when they spar. She's an amazing fighter, an almost perfect complement to his style. She's working to buy his freedom. She's the first person to try to treat him like a person with feelings instead of a slave with a collar, even if they still hit some bumps about that sometimes.
It's getting better and he is pretty sure they made good progress with it today.]
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[Raleigh doesn't think of himself as a prideful person, a lot of his ego died with his brother but even then, it wasn't like he had to be right and do things himself all the time every time. Actually, he was pretty reliant on his brother for a lot and that was okay and it would still be okay with Mako if she wasn't making all of the decision for him and keeping things from him because she knew he'd disagree.
He gets it, the collar makes it complicated and he can't do a single thing to stop her. But she can't actually stop him from being irritated. Or feeling worthless.]
You don't let me do anything.
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[ Mako regrets the words as soon as they come out, knows that she could have gentled them because it sounds far too harsh now. But look, the ends justify the means -- Mako paying for him is the most expedient way out of this, the best way she could keep him while giving him as much freedom as possible.
Mako had given him a comfortable life; Raleigh is allowed free rein of the base and beyond if he wanted while he bides his time for his freedom. Isn't that better? ]
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Raleigh stiffens like a cornered bear, like he wants nothing more than to lash out at her but he won't because to do that would mean the end of him, it's crossing too many lines, it's taking liberties he's not allowed because he can't actually do anything on his own. Thank you, Mako for the reminder, he'd almost forgotten.]
I don't know, why don't you just keep on telling me what I'm allowed to do.
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[ Raleigh looks like he'd just been slapped in the face, and that wasn't -- quite the way Mako intended for it to sound, not at all. She's just -- she's lost. It's the first time she's actually dating someone, and Raleigh being a slave just really complicates matters a lot more.
But now he's hurt and he's angry with her and she never meant for that to happen. ]
I didn't mean it like that. [ It's really, really hard, to swallow her pride and everything, but Mako's very much aware of the fact that she's really stepped in it this time, despite best intentions. ] I should have consulted you first.
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[Because she's right. There's not a single thing he can do to earn his freedom, someone else has to buy it for him and he wants to be grateful that Mako's trying, that she cares enough to want to but it's so overwhelmed with the feeling that she's only doing it to prove another point. Maybe that's crazy and irrational but Raleigh's never really been known for being the most logical of people.]
That's been your problem since day one.
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Mako narrows her eyes, because what the hell, Raleigh? After all of this, he tells her he's got a problem with her ever since they first met? ] My problem since day one? What's that supposed to mean?
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Try and tell me that you haven't made all the decisions between us since the day Chuck threw me at you. And that you haven't tried to talk over me since then either.
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She's silent for a moment, guilty, realising. But -- ]
How much of what you did since the day Chuck threw you at me was based on your own free will?
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[Because you can't make someone love you and you can't control who you love either. She frustrates him sometimes, and she doesn't always realize how what she does makes him feel but he still loves her. That has nothing to do with his collar or his papers or his debt.]
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All Raleigh did was love her -- he was gentle, he was sweet, and he was more than giving, and Mako hadn't paused nearly often enough to ask about how he felt about it. And just like that, almost all the fight goes out of her, because he's right here too, isn't he?
Finally, she says, her voice quiet and subdued. Mako knows when she's lost. ]
...Raleigh. I am very sorry. I should have consulted you about it.
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Because yeah, he really does love her and he really respects her and that would effectively shatter that.
When the fight leaves her though, the tension bleeds out of him because that was entirely irrational fear to have. It's Mako. He loves her for a lot of reasons and one of them is that she does treat him like a person, she doesn't mean to talk over him, she cares too and it's an adjustment for both of them, to work around the collar.]
It doesn't matter what you should've done. Are you going to in the future?
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Raleigh is a calming influence on her, a balm to her anger and a curb for her temper; for that Mako is grateful. She reaches out to take his hand in hers, squeezing it -- for him, she can swallow her pride because they're equals, no matter what the collar on his neck says. They're partners, right? They're in this together. ]
Yes. [ She promises him, but frowns, because speaking of the future -- ] What are you going to do, when you're free again?
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Because it was so damn unlikely that he ever would.]
Fuck, I haven't even-- I have no idea. It's not like the Marshal will take me back.
[And this is all he knows, fighting and fucking.]
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She exhales, because it's not just Raleigh's problem anymore. ]
Give him time. You took him by surprise.
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Mercenaries don't end up like him. They just don't.]
Pretty sure it'd be better to him if I'd actually died.
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Instead of telling him that, however (because it wouldn't change a thing), she changes tack: ]
What do you want to do?
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Fight. I hate being practically exiled here when people are dying.
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[ Because she's not going to let him languish here, not like this. She's envious of him, even -- she's always wanted to go out there, too. To fight, to mean something. ]
What you did was very important.
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He also prizes people who keep their partners alive.
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(There's a chance he would reinstate him, but for a price: that he doesn't see Mako again.) ]
Have you tried talking to him?
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(He won't give up Mako. That's asking too much.)]
I'm fairly certain we've only said two dozen words to each other in the entire time I've known him.
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[ Because, you know, even now Mako is pushing him to let her out into the field, biting down fiercely and not letting go because she's not the little girl he'd saved anymore. And she knows that if Raleigh tries hard enough, he'll eventually get through, too.
(Oh, Raleigh.)
She pulls him close, holding him tight. ]
I know you can do it.
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Raleigh holds himself stiff for a moment before he returns her embrace, wrapping his arms around her.]
If he does let me, I want you to go with me.
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Do you mean that?
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It's getting better and he is pretty sure they made good progress with it today.]
Of course I do. I'm not going without you.
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