[ Mako glances down at her stomach, the gentle swell of it that indicated that there was life growing inside her. She's just a little over two months now, and it's nearly imperceptible. And even sooner than she's expecting, she'll feel the baby start to kick.
For the first time in her life, she doesn't know what to do. She hadn't expected to fall in love with him; it was supposed to be a one-off fling, an affair that she could end at anytime, but sometime between that and now she'd come to desire him more than ever -- she'd come to look forward to his presence, appreciate his kisses. And even when her husband had come home looking to get intimate, all she saw was Raleigh's face.
It's a wretched state of affairs -- she'd been unhappy even before he came along, but with his presence he's made it worse because of the things she'd allowed herself to think about, to want, with him. He'd given her a glimpse of what it would be like to be happy, to wake up in bed with someone beloved, cherished. He's her dirty little secret and she doesn't know what to do with it.
He knows her more than her husband does, she knows it when she catches his look in the mirror, knows he's seen right through her. ]
It's not going to change a thing, Raleigh. [ She says, just as stubborn, because to admit that the baby is his is to come to terms with the fact that she wants to be with him, more than anything in the world -- and that would put everything she's worked for in jeopardy. She doesn't look at him. ] I'm married.
[Raleigh straightens like she slapped him, because does she think he doesn't know that? That he doesn't think of that every single day? That he's just conveniently forgets just because her husband's barely around? He can name all of the conversations he's had with that man on one hand, and that includes the times that he's checked up on her, to see if there's been any problems.
He knows it's a shitty situation. He knows that he can't even pretend like he could support her stably since his job is tied to her husband and if she leaves, then he's kind of immediately unemployed.
But what is he supposed to do? Stand there and say nothing for the next eighteen years? Where does that leave them and that's hilarious that she thinks he's that good of a liar.]
You've been married this entire time. And it's a baby, it changes pretty much everything.
[ He's right, of course -- the baby changes everything, no matter how much Mako wants to wish for otherwise. Raleigh tells her that and she tries not to cringe because it's the most obvious thing in the world, isn't it? She's been married the entire time, from the time she agreed to dance with him to the times they'd slept together, everywhere in this home that isn't quite a home.
But the other option is terrifying; if she leaves all of this -- what is there for them both? He would most definitely be sacked, and Mako has more than enough savings for them to lead a comfortable life; but the divorce would be messy, it would be ugly. Her husband is not a forgiving man, and while Mako doesn't fear him, she doesn't appreciate the trouble it would bring.
On the other hand, it isn't fair to Raleigh, is it? He shouldn't have to stand in the shadows and endure this, forced to be quiet and invisible. Even then, such is their lot, right? Life is never fair -- there isn't a magic pill to make it all right again.
Mako turns to him after a moment, her gilded combs neatly set aside as she sighs. ]
...Raleigh. If word gets out, we will both be in trouble.
[He hates it when she's sensible. Sometimes he wishes that she was more impulsive, less analytical, more emotional because maybe then, she wouldn't hesitate about this. Wouldn't hesitate to leave her husband, to take their child and go where life takes them.
One of them has to be practical though. He knows that she's thinking about the money, the backlash, the future of her father's company, the uncertainty of it because they would have to start completely over.]
I don't want to lie to the kid, to everyone for the rest of it's life. That's worse. It's not better.
[ Sometimes Mako wishes for that, too -- or sometimes she wishes for something firmly on the opposite end of the spectrum; less impulsive, so much less emotional because that would mean that this entire problem didn't pop up in the first place. If only she had the presence of mind not to give in to temptation, no matter how good, how gratifying it was.
Raleigh looks at her the way her husband never did, his generosity, his kindness and his cheeky nature had charmed Mako endlessly, tipped her over the edge until she's painfully, wonderfully in love with him, and look, look what's happened. ]
What do you want to do, jeopardise both of us just so you can tell the truth? [ She rises from her seat, unhappy and conflicted. ] Do you want the child?
[Yes. Yes that is exactly what he wants to do. He wants to take the risk, to do the right thing. Raleigh loves her a lot, more than anything really and he'd moved heaven and hell for her but even without the baby-- he can't do this forever. He can't be the dirty little secret for the rest of his life. Maybe this child sped up that timeline a little, made him fully realize what they're doing, what needs to be done, but it was a ticking time bomb no matter what.
Something has to change.
And the idea of turning his back on his child absolutely makes his skin crawl.]
Yeah. Yes. I want both of you. I can't keep sneaking around like this.
[ Mako pauses at that, taken by surprise and for a moment, not quite sure of what to say. Raleigh is serious about this, more than serious about wanting more, and as the reaiisation of that sinks in, so does the fact that she has to make a choice, and soon.
He'd really moved heaven and hell for her; he's that kind of man who would do that, and with him, she knows, she could finally be happy. She takes a step closer towards him, her hand closing over the tie that he wears. They can't do this forever, she can't make him do it forever, because she knows what he looks like when he's reaching the end of his tether. But Mako is trapped, caught between a terrible decision, and either way she turns she will hurt far too many people. She wants Raleigh, too -- more than anyone else, she wants Raleigh. ]
I want to leave with you. I want that, more than anything. But I can't. Raleigh --
[Because she just said that she wanted to. Stop overanalyzing it so much, Mako. You want something, then just do it, they'll figure it out. There are some things that are just worth the risk. Like being happy, like doing the right thing, like their child.]
[ She has to overanalyse because if she doesn't, they're all in trouble -- Mako can't afford to be reckless, because what if this translates to her husband taking away support for her father's company? Sure, her father wouldn't have made too much of waves about it because it's his pride on the line, but still.
Still, she'd wanted to do something for him, something that would make him proud. Mako frowns up at him, knows that she probably shouldn't have said that she'd wanted to go, right? That was a mistake -- it didn't mean it was any less true, but it would be safer for Raleigh not to have known that. ]
Because he would kill us. [ She says squarely. ] He would kill you first, and make me watch.
[ And Mako has come to find that the thought of it is unbearable. ]
[Raleigh could take her husband. He's pretty sure about that. While working for her has been relatively calm, he's not just a good looking body in a suit. He's got military training and would probably still be there if it wasn't for his brother's sudden death. And he could protect her too, that's actually what he's getting paid for right now.
So Raleigh's shaking his head at her, already dismissing that.]
[ Raleigh could -- but her husband has plenty of other connections, and what if one day he isn't careful? All it takes is one day, one slip-up, right? But here he is, offering her the chance of a lifetime, to leave everything behind and run away with him.
Mako sighs. ]
Let me think about it, Raleigh. [ She takes his hand, presses it over the slight, gentle swell of her belly. Their baby, she wants to tell him -- it would be so cruel to let him still be in the shadows and pretend that another man is their baby's father. ]
[He's quiet as he runs a thumb along her belly. There's a baby in there, their child is growing and oh. He wants it so much, to be a family with her and not be her dirty little secret, to leave that prick of a husband behind and be happy together. They could do it, he knows that they could.]
[ She regards him with fondness, allowing herself to get the idea of possibly spending her life with him in her head, to adjust to it, to the fact that maybe she really doesn't have to be here. It's a frightening proposition, but with him, it's easy to hope, to set caution aside. His hand is warm on her belly, and she leans against him.
There's still so much to sort out, so many things to get in order, and she feels so oddly...selfish and rebellious at once. ]
Two months, two weeks. [ She murmurs. ] I imagine it was that time in the hotel washroom.
[Like he could forget about that night. Raleigh smiles just thinking about it, the thrill of sneaking around, of getting caught up in each other and how it had to be right then, not a moment later and it had been stupidly reckless. Had gotten them to this point, where she's carrying his baby and they have some big choices to make.
[ She has to smile at that, because the memory was a good one -- she remembers the passion, the desperation, her anger at being caged in like some sort of pretty bird and nothing more. She'd loved every moment of that with him, the way she's grateful that the silk of the gown hadn't crumpled too obviously.
But that had led them to this, and now there's a difficult choice for her to make. She leans up to press a kiss against his lips -- in for a penny, in for a pound, right. ]
He'll be away until next week. [ She exhales, and presses close. ] I need you with me tonight.
[If Raleigh were a stronger person, he'd tell her no. He'd put some distance between them and stop this thing they have. But then again, her husband won't be back for days and it's not like she can get more pregnant.]
[ Does he really want to stop it? They're already in trouble, and Mako's choice -- whatever she makes -- is going to unleash a storm of consequences. What better time than now? ]
I know. [ She says when she loosens his tie, and undoes the buttons of his shirt. She leans up, kisses his jaw before quietly murmuring. ] I just like hearing you say yes. I don't want to be lonely tonight.
[ Even if she's right about her husband, she's not letting anyone hurt Raleigh. Over her dead body, and all that.
She slides the wedding ring from her finger and sets it to the side deliberately, leaning up to kiss him with a quiet desperation. She'll remember this, she'll remember this always. ]
[When she slips the ring off, Raleigh starts shrugging his way out of his shirt, letting it and the tie slip to the ground when she reaches for him again. This is Mako, this is the mother of his baby and he really can't deny her anything, even if he wanted to. Which is totally why he's nudging her towards the bed.]
[ It's two hours later that she's half-draped over him, an arm slung over his waist, and her head on his chest, a satisfying exhaustion settling over her limbs. It's become habit, that Raleigh sleeps in the bed she shares with her husband; that they make love without shame because nothing else matters but this.
But with exhaustion comes clarity, and Mako is thoughtful, tracing circles over the muscles of his torso as she finally decides to break the silence. ]
[He... actually hasn't thought that far ahead. It's enough of a struggle to get her to agree to leave with him, he isn't going to make plans until he knows that step at least is achieved. But does that mean that her decision is influenced by his plan?
Fuck.
Raleigh should feel guilty for sleeping with her in her bed that she's supposed to share with her husband but he really, really doesn't. She's his, she's carrying his baby.]
I haven't figured that out yet. Be with you and the baby.
[ Wholly influenced, not really, but it unsettles her that Raleigh doesn't actually have any of it planned -- she's someone predisposed to overthinking, to preparing in advance, and when she lies in his arms and considers him, his response isn't what she's looking for.
She's worried for him, because her husband can be a dangerous man when crossed, and what they're about to do would cross so many lines that it would turn very ugly very quickly. ]
...Raleigh. Maybe we should think about this again.
[Sometimes he wonders how they match so well. When she over analyzes almost everything and he tends to just wing it and see what happens and rely on his instincts. Her husband is a terrible person and a bad one to cross but he's sure that he could take him and whatever he tries to throw at them.]
No. What's there to reconsider? I love you. This--[Raleigh runs his hand over her still smooth stomach.] is our baby. That's all that matters.
[ Mako thinks he could, too -- but there are always the hidden odds, the probability of hidden unpleasantness that her husband doesn't tell her. They make a perfect, complementing pair, don't they? They can never be anymore different, and yet.
Her skin warms under his touch, and it's moments like these where she's tempted to wing it with him, to leave with him and throw it all aside, consequences and all.
She wonders if she regrets it, having unprotected sex with him all those nights ago -- but decides that it's too complicated to answer. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
For the first time in her life, she doesn't know what to do. She hadn't expected to fall in love with him; it was supposed to be a one-off fling, an affair that she could end at anytime, but sometime between that and now she'd come to desire him more than ever -- she'd come to look forward to his presence, appreciate his kisses. And even when her husband had come home looking to get intimate, all she saw was Raleigh's face.
It's a wretched state of affairs -- she'd been unhappy even before he came along, but with his presence he's made it worse because of the things she'd allowed herself to think about, to want, with him. He'd given her a glimpse of what it would be like to be happy, to wake up in bed with someone beloved, cherished. He's her dirty little secret and she doesn't know what to do with it.
He knows her more than her husband does, she knows it when she catches his look in the mirror, knows he's seen right through her. ]
It's not going to change a thing, Raleigh. [ She says, just as stubborn, because to admit that the baby is his is to come to terms with the fact that she wants to be with him, more than anything in the world -- and that would put everything she's worked for in jeopardy. She doesn't look at him. ] I'm married.
no subject
He knows it's a shitty situation. He knows that he can't even pretend like he could support her stably since his job is tied to her husband and if she leaves, then he's kind of immediately unemployed.
But what is he supposed to do? Stand there and say nothing for the next eighteen years? Where does that leave them and that's hilarious that she thinks he's that good of a liar.]
You've been married this entire time. And it's a baby, it changes pretty much everything.
no subject
But the other option is terrifying; if she leaves all of this -- what is there for them both? He would most definitely be sacked, and Mako has more than enough savings for them to lead a comfortable life; but the divorce would be messy, it would be ugly. Her husband is not a forgiving man, and while Mako doesn't fear him, she doesn't appreciate the trouble it would bring.
On the other hand, it isn't fair to Raleigh, is it? He shouldn't have to stand in the shadows and endure this, forced to be quiet and invisible. Even then, such is their lot, right? Life is never fair -- there isn't a magic pill to make it all right again.
Mako turns to him after a moment, her gilded combs neatly set aside as she sighs. ]
...Raleigh. If word gets out, we will both be in trouble.
no subject
One of them has to be practical though. He knows that she's thinking about the money, the backlash, the future of her father's company, the uncertainty of it because they would have to start completely over.]
I don't want to lie to the kid, to everyone for the rest of it's life. That's worse. It's not better.
no subject
Raleigh looks at her the way her husband never did, his generosity, his kindness and his cheeky nature had charmed Mako endlessly, tipped her over the edge until she's painfully, wonderfully in love with him, and look, look what's happened. ]
What do you want to do, jeopardise both of us just so you can tell the truth? [ She rises from her seat, unhappy and conflicted. ] Do you want the child?
no subject
Something has to change.
And the idea of turning his back on his child absolutely makes his skin crawl.]
Yeah. Yes. I want both of you. I can't keep sneaking around like this.
no subject
He'd really moved heaven and hell for her; he's that kind of man who would do that, and with him, she knows, she could finally be happy. She takes a step closer towards him, her hand closing over the tie that he wears. They can't do this forever, she can't make him do it forever, because she knows what he looks like when he's reaching the end of his tether. But Mako is trapped, caught between a terrible decision, and either way she turns she will hurt far too many people. She wants Raleigh, too -- more than anyone else, she wants Raleigh. ]
I want to leave with you. I want that, more than anything. But I can't. Raleigh --
no subject
[Because she just said that she wanted to. Stop overanalyzing it so much, Mako. You want something, then just do it, they'll figure it out. There are some things that are just worth the risk. Like being happy, like doing the right thing, like their child.]
Give me a reason why not.
[So he can refute it.]
no subject
Still, she'd wanted to do something for him, something that would make him proud. Mako frowns up at him, knows that she probably shouldn't have said that she'd wanted to go, right? That was a mistake -- it didn't mean it was any less true, but it would be safer for Raleigh not to have known that. ]
Because he would kill us. [ She says squarely. ] He would kill you first, and make me watch.
[ And Mako has come to find that the thought of it is unbearable. ]
no subject
So Raleigh's shaking his head at her, already dismissing that.]
I can protect us. And you know that.
no subject
Mako sighs. ]
Let me think about it, Raleigh. [ She takes his hand, presses it over the slight, gentle swell of her belly. Their baby, she wants to tell him -- it would be so cruel to let him still be in the shadows and pretend that another man is their baby's father. ]
no subject
How far are you?
no subject
There's still so much to sort out, so many things to get in order, and she feels so oddly...selfish and rebellious at once. ]
Two months, two weeks. [ She murmurs. ] I imagine it was that time in the hotel washroom.
no subject
But he doesn't regret it at all.]
That was a good time.
no subject
But that had led them to this, and now there's a difficult choice for her to make. She leans up to press a kiss against his lips -- in for a penny, in for a pound, right. ]
He'll be away until next week. [ She exhales, and presses close. ] I need you with me tonight.
no subject
You don't have to ask, you know that.
no subject
I know. [ She says when she loosens his tie, and undoes the buttons of his shirt. She leans up, kisses his jaw before quietly murmuring. ] I just like hearing you say yes. I don't want to be lonely tonight.
no subject
Raleigh cups her face with his hands, directing her in for a good and proper kiss. Remember this, Mako, it's something worth fighting for.]
Of course I'll stay.
no subject
She slides the wedding ring from her finger and sets it to the side deliberately, leaning up to kiss him with a quiet desperation. She'll remember this, she'll remember this always. ]
no subject
no subject
But with exhaustion comes clarity, and Mako is thoughtful, tracing circles over the muscles of his torso as she finally decides to break the silence. ]
...What do you plan to do, if I leave with you?
no subject
Fuck.
Raleigh should feel guilty for sleeping with her in her bed that she's supposed to share with her husband but he really, really doesn't. She's his, she's carrying his baby.]
I haven't figured that out yet. Be with you and the baby.
no subject
She's worried for him, because her husband can be a dangerous man when crossed, and what they're about to do would cross so many lines that it would turn very ugly very quickly. ]
...Raleigh. Maybe we should think about this again.
no subject
No. What's there to reconsider? I love you. This--[Raleigh runs his hand over her still smooth stomach.] is our baby. That's all that matters.
no subject
Her skin warms under his touch, and it's moments like these where she's tempted to wing it with him, to leave with him and throw it all aside, consequences and all.
She wonders if she regrets it, having unprotected sex with him all those nights ago -- but decides that it's too complicated to answer. ]
Let's do it three months from now.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)